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MST3K 902 - The Phantom Planet
The Movie Synopsis This is sort of a "Gulliver's Travels Meets Fire Maidens of Outer Space". In the "future" year of 1980, US astronaut Captain Frank Chapman (Dean Fredericks) is dispatched from Lunar Base One to investigate a missing ship. Richard Weber (from "12 to the Moon") is along as Ray Makonen, an unusually verbose and romantic co-pilot, but he is lost in outer space during an EVA. Chapman's ship is then pulled to the surface of a giant asteroid, which we subsequently learn is called Rheton. He exits the ship, swoons, and the face panel of his helmet pops open - a significant flaw in space suit design. As he inhales the Rheton air, he rapidly shrinks to a few inches in size. His space suit is conveniently unaffected. He is then captured by a "brace of microscopic orderlies" (the Rhetons) and taken to their leader. The Rhetons, who number about fifty, are governed by an elderly autocrat/general named Sessom (Frances X. Bushman from "12 to the Moon"). All the Rheton women are young and attractive and everyone lives in prison-like conditions - dimly-lighted rooms of rough-hewn stone, with stone slabs beds and stone tables. The Rhetons don't need to eat because, it is explained, the atmosphere takes care of their nutrition needs. Music, dancing, and art apparently do not exist in their society. At a tribunal, Chapman is convicted of wounding an inhabitant of Rheton by an official (the Vincent Pricey Al Jarvis). His punishment? Nada - no incarceration, no fine, no word of warning, not even "just don't do it again". However, he is informed that for security reasons he may never leave Rheton. On the bright side, he is allowed to take a wife and is offered his choice of either Zetha, the beautiful, blond daughter of Sessom, or the lovely but spooky, mute brunette, Liara. He chooses Zetha, who proceeds to give him the lowdown about life on Rheton. The Rheton's technology is as advanced as their accommodations are primitive; they have unbelievably powerful gravity and anti-gravity propulsion capable of instantly moving small planets. They also have tractor beams, force fields and energy weapons, but they apparently employ chalk and slates with which to write. Their primary enemies are an aggressive alien race known as the "Solarite Fire People" who want to acquire their "Universal Gravity Control" technology. If it's not one thing it's another, and Sessom divulges to Chapman that Rheton is slowly running out of the strong nuclear force, made worse if Rheton is hit with heat blasts. Chapman becomes increasingly involved in Rheton matters and finds himself attracted to Liara, who mysteriously acquires the ability to speak, apparently from inhaling Chapman's testosterone. Challenged by a competitor, he fights the shirtless "duel of Rheton to the death" with the hot-headed Herron (Tony Dexter from "Fire Maidens of Outer Space"). He gradually gains Sessom's complete trust, is designated as his eventual successor and begins to feel ambivalent about returning to Earth. Suddenly, a Solarite space armada attacks Rheton and a Solarite prisoner breaks out of stir and goes on a "rampage" - that is, if waving his arms about listlessly and tenderly applying a Torgo-esque stroke to the sleeping Liara's cheek qualifies as a rampage. Oh, the terror. Will Chapman rescue Liara from the hideous alien? Will the Rhetons be able to fend off the enemy onslaught? Will the Earth man ever return to normal size - and home? SEE the Solarites unleash a blistering attack on Rheton from their flaming "pet taxis"! WITNESS the giant, hideous Solarite (Richard Kiel) kidnap Liara from her very bed! Information The Episode Host Segments Prologue: Crow has challenged Mike and Servo to an Andy Rooney-Off. Gypsy acts as the judge as the trio cover the subject of soups. Segment One: Gypsy tries to announce the winner of the Rooney-Off, but Mike and the 'Bots can't stop Andy Rooney-ing long enough to hear it. Meanwhile in the middle of moving into Castle Forrester, Pearl receives her World Domination Starter Kit from Spiegel. However, it's missing its nuclear core which has been shipped separately up to the SOL by mistake. Mike is somewhat fearful of it's radiation and wants to get rid of it, but Servo and Crow get kind of attached. Segment Two: Taking a cue from the movie, Mike and Tom focus their attention on the Good and the Beautiful, trying various combinations of foodstuffs as the "Good" and actresses as "the Beautiful" in search of the best balance between the two. Segment Three: Mike's little space-walk slips Crow's mind, as down in Castle Forrester Pearl and Brain Guy have to contend with strange and eerie sounds, but there is a somewhat less than other-worldly explaination for them. Segment Four: Crow and Tom have taken up water glass rim music, but it's early days yet as they bravely struggle through Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. They mistakenly believe their limited ability will still allow them to trounce Mike, but he's surprisingly good. Closing (Segment Five): Crow is yet again inspired dress up as a character from the day's movie, this time as a Solarite. Crow comes to realize he has a problem due to the frequency that this occurs and the fact he doesn't even recall making the costume. Down in the Castle Forrester, Pearl is about to give up on being a mad scientist when a mob of frightened villagers threatening to storm the place renew her spirits, or so she thinks. Stinger: Lt. Makonnen's classic line: "You know, Captain, every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful, if we’ll just take the time to look at it." What can Chapman say in response but "You're some guy Makonnen". Obscure References Crow:"Today, the moon narrowly missed hitting a man's eye like a big pizza pie." Servo: ''"Scientists believe that's amore." :Referring to Dean Martin's biggest hit song That's Amore. Video Release *Commercially released on DVD by Rhino in November 2005 as part of The Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Volume 8, a 4-DVD set with Hobgoblins, Monster A-Go Go, and The Dead Talk Back. Category:MST3K Episodes Category:Season 9